The Crystal Ball Theory

A number of years ago I put something together which I called "the Crystal Ball Theory." It helped me understand a little bit of how the world worked for me. I have shared it with a few people. I still believe it's true (to a degree, of course). It needs a little work, but it was written by a younger me ... a me that still had a lot of thinking to do. I'd change a few things but nothing substantial. Anyway, here is the original:

The Crystal Ball Theory

I see my life as a crystal ball.

It was time to stop carrying it. I gave it to you for safekeeping, for you to keep it safe.

Why? Because you're my friend.

It's fragile — that's why it's crystal.

Don't drop it, it'll break.

I put my life in your hands because I trust you.

You can carry it however you want, that I can't control, but remember, it's my life, and it's fragile.

You might place it on a pillow, cradle it in your arms, or otherwise treat it as the fragile crystal that it is.

You might choose to handle it roughly, trying to discover just when it will break. It might not break the first or second time — sometimes it has some bounce in it.

But it will break.

And when it breaks, it will shatter into millions of pieces.

At that point you might choose to walk away, mindful of the mess, hoping that it will just go away.

They'll all get picked up, with or without your help. That is, all of the pieces except for two.

One piece fell into a corner. We didn't see it. We didn't find it. we don't know where it is. That's okay. Someday someone will see the piece of crystal catch a ray of light and they will pick it up. Hopefully, when they find this crystal and take the chance to look at it, they will see what it is and all that it stands for. In that way, that piece will serve a good purpose.

The other piece, you might take that one. Maybe it broke into a neat shape, or when you picked it up, you just never thought I would notice it missing. I hope that someday you will understand what it is you have and why you have it. I know you have it. I know that piece of my life is still in your hands. I want you to have it. Why? Someday you will understand that I love you and that is why I gave my life to you in the first place. We all make mistakes. Please understand that that piece of crystal is piece of my life, a life I hope that you see as filled with love, with love for you and for all.

Unfortunately, with these pieces missing, I can never be whole again.

How can I ever hope to fix it? I can't leave my life in millions of little shards of crystal, scattered everywhere.

Is there any hope?

There's no glue strong enough, besides . . . I don't have all the pieces.

Tape . . . I don't think so.

Whatever method we use to put it back together, I have to be whole again.

I know! We'll reblow the crystal ball. Melt it down and then re-form it to be a perfect sphere again. The melting process will be the suffering I go through to become whole again, with the hope of the future being the fact that I will be whole again — another crystal ball.

The process will mark the change that I must go through to be refreshed.

I'll be a new person . . . parts of me will change because parts of me are gone, gone forever.

Shining brightly again.

I can give it out again. Give it to someone like you. Someone who might take care of it. Or might try to see when it will break.

Through time, it will become smaller and smaller. More and more of me will be given to others, until one day when I finally succeed in giving it all away.

. . . Stephen Schelonka